k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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