My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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