he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
