What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
