Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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