i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
