My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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