Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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