Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
