So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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