You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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