No awkward lesbian experiences without me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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