so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we're so committed to being not committed
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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