True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
