were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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