I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
