So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just cropdusted the office
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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