I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
