He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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