ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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