My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
