why didn't you poke me back
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
