Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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