I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize