Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
