I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
