Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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