I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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