Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
