White coat. Heels.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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