True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
