literally had 100 drinks last night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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