I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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