I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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