This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
