My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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