the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
