I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
