We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
