I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
