my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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