I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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