even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
