Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
