thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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