guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
