the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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