Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
