george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So much Jack, so little girl.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
