Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
