i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
These tits shall not be calmed
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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