In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
