you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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