I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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