dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
