She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think people are normalizing furries
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
