Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
