what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
