im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
