all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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