Will you blow on my dice?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
