I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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