Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't put those talents on a resume
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
