She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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