True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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