You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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