I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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