he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
