I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
