Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
BRING THE BAGELS
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
