you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He? As in you personified your dick?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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