I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
